Thursday, June 28, 2012

the STUFF hit the fan

So hubz and I were getting ready to leave on Sunday morning and I can hear MIL say that I never communicate with her, she tries and I wont let her. (We had 2 sit down talks with them and she never once said anything even when asked if they wanted to say something.) So I went into the living room and told her I heard what she said and she got very defensive and said that she has tried to bring up the past several times but I dont want to talk about it so I shut her up and never let her talk. I asked her when she tried to bring up the past and she said several times but could never give me an answer.

So I told her well we are here now, what do you have to tell me? So then she proceeded to tell me,

"It is all YOUR fault I am about to lose EVERYTHING!!"

WOW! I was floored, and here I was mistakenly thinking it was FIL who was laid off 4 months ago and has refused to apply for unemployment, or collect his retirement, or get his birth certificate so he can get his drivers licence so he can get another job. It is my fault that FIL refuses to call the mortgage company and tell them about the situation they are in so the mortgage company can make accommodations for them.

"If you would not have taken all of my antiques to the house, they would not be in the garage and I would not be losing them now!"

The antiques MIL asked me to take to their house. We were asked on 2 different occasions to move furniture halfway across the country. The she tells me I threw away all her important papers in a desk. I didn't touch the desk, hubz put every single paper from that desk in a box and handed her the box. MIL accused me over and over of throwing her papers away, I got tired of it and said fine if you need to believe that so much, then I threw them away. Then she screams I KNEW IT!

"You melted like butter when we had money and now that we don't you treat us like scum!"

Well is having someone make your dinner AND serve you, AND clear your plates when you are done is treating you like scum, then SIGN ME UP!!! I asked her to please tell me how I was doing that and she said I just was. "Since the day we got here you made us do stuff and we were tired from the trip and it took us a week to get over that trip and you expected us to do stuff." I replied, "I personally waited on you both hand and foot for 2 whole weeks when you got here. and YES I do expect you to do stuff, like pick up after yourself and clean your mess." she retorted, "You know I cannot stand up for a long time and you expect me to clean this whole house!" no, I expect you to take the 2 empty pudding cups, soda cans, and popcorn bags you ate 30 minutes ago to the trash can you WALK BY on your way to the fridge for another 2 pudding cups, can of soda, and popcorn. Is that too much to ask?

Then she said I yelled at her. I asked when and she referred to the Craft Room Incident. She starts screaming at the top of her lungs and making these huge hand gestures claiming that is what I did to her. I was not in the room for a whole minute when the exchange took place. Had i done that to her someone would have heard and said something. 

"You want to know why we don't trust YOU? You have lived here rent free for 5 years and have not made one repair."

BECAUSE IT IS NOT MY HOUSE! And WE have made repairs. we remodeled 4 rooms in this dump. I do not have $50,000 to spend repairing plumbing, electrical, and putting a new roof on a place that I do not own. She claims we had an agreement that they would send money to fix the house. I asked her to show me where I signed and she rolled her eyes at me and said it was a verbal agreement. If she made one with hubz I never knew about it. I asked hubz and he said he has never heard of any agreement.  Besides, how is sending $150 sporadically going to make a dent in a house that should by all means be torn down and rebuilt from scratch? 

And let us talk about this "rent free" gig here because it SOUNDS great in theory... We moved in here out of necessity when we had custody of hubz son, we were both in college and could not afford a place to stay. When we moved in here we threw away over 25 construction garbage bags (we stopped counting at 25 bags) of rat soiled, urine soaked, feces infested, rats nest habitats. It wasn't like an episode of hoarders, it WAS an episode of hoarders! I have witnesses. 

Then when we would go "visit" them we spend every waking hour cleaning the hoarders-esque house they lived in up there. We would take a week off THREE times a year and do the same thing every single time! I lost count of how many rat skeletons (a dead kitten skeleton once too) I have found cleaning up after them. Then when they had the house fire, we went up again and removed the contents and salvaged what they could save and I personally steam cleaned every piece of fabric covered furniture they own. We went back after that and demo-ed lap and plaster walls for a week. When everyone got sick working in the heat, I filled up a dump truck with debris ALONE, BY MYSELF! We went back twice after that to help with more repairs. 

If you added up all of the work I have done (not just the cleaning, but haircuts, mani/pedis, laundry, chauffeur services, deliveries, cooking, and my time in general... just my work not hubz), I have more than covered my "free rent" in this house. 

ALSO, I refuse to live in a state of chaos. why do their medicine cases need to be in the middle of the living room? I have on more that 3 separate occasions walked over FIL dirty underwear laying on the living room floor. I am repulsed! It is bad enough the man refuses to sleep in the same bed as his wife and sleeps on my couch IN HIS UNDERWEAR WITH NO COVER and I have to walk through the living room to get anywhere in the house, but COME ON MAN pikc up your dirty clothes. When you walk into the house it smells like feet and armpits. We have started to just go straight to our room and stay there.

"You wont let me speak my piece and you keep saying it is in the past, leave it there!"

DUH! First of all I have NO FREAKING IDEA WHAT SHE IS TALKING ABOUT! I think that is why I am going loco over here. I made no pacts, agreements, contracts, or blood oaths. I double checked my sanity with hubz and he agrees with me as well. Why does she want to dredge up the past (at least the fictional past she thinks is reality). What does this solve? How is it helping out current situation. Why does she insist on arguing with me at every turn?

"This is OUR house and I am SO SORRY we put you out by moving back into OUR house!"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND, there it is. I was waiting for that one. I honestly thought I had at least one more month before that chestnut was cracked open. You are darn tootin I am put out. You call me a week before you are moving down to tell me MIL is coming to stay until the house is finished... and you BOTH get here and a week later spring the news that you are BOTH staying indefinitely. You had no intentions of leaving. Who wouldn't be put out? 

"You don't care about us at all!"

I really don't care what they think of me, I don't care why they don't trust me. I love my hubz and I care about him and how HE feels about me and that is all that matters.

I just pawned my wedding band, engagement ring, and anniversary ring to pay the electricity and buy groceries because I don't care. My bank account is in the negative for covering you because I don't care. I would not let an animal suffer in this heat and if I have to part with the symbol of my love for my hubs so NONE of us suffer in this heat then so be it.

But it is very hard to care about someone who treats you with contempt. Who called you a waste of time, money and space. Who told her sons ex wife to call the police and have him arrested because he was marrying me and will never pay his child support, so just have him arrested now. It is very hard to care about someone who constantly talks down to everyone and belittles them. It is very hard to care for someone who ignores your boundaries and is selfish and thinks of only how things will affect or reflect on them. It is so very hard to care about someone who demands attention the second you walk into her presence.


That day was the final straw, I am trusting in my Heavenly Father that he will lead me through this horrible time. I do not know what to do right now. I cannot move until my finances are in better order. I went to the doctor and got back on my depression/anxiety meds and hope to feel better soon (or feel nothing, both a win win lol). 

She acts like nothing happened. I walk out the door for work and she says in a saccharine sweet voice, "have a good day" and "good evening" when I get home from work. I am not EVEN going to waste my breath on trying to get her to see my side of the story... it will only hurt and frustrate me even more. I have a great network of friends who know me and know everything she said is a lie and she is trying to hurt me. She probably cannot talk to FIL the way she wants to so I play the part of the whipping boy until the circus closes... the tears of a clown... but they will be sad when this big top closes for business because 90% of the stuff in this house is ours and we are am taking it when we leave! I am not trying to be spiteful, this may be YOUR house but these are our belongings. 

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